Back in June I wrote a jolly long post about the phenomenon of saying “Oh my Goddess” rather than “Oh my God” and what I thought about all of that (I don’t like it. Surprise!). That post was touted as a “Part 1” of a two-part blog, the second half of which was going to be a how-to…you know, like, how to truly feel like a goddess.
To quote myself:
“How do we really feel it in our being, from head to toe to yoni? How do I empower myself as a woman (and not in the sensible-footwear, puppy-stomping, man-hating kind of way)? How do I become a representation of the Divine Feminine here on Earth?
Will it help if I let my pubic hair grow wild and free?”
Not surprisingly, these aren’t easy questions to answer. Everyone is different and despite what the media or the self-help section of Barnes and Noble, or better yet, the New Age section of Barnes and Noble, my tell you- there isn’t a series of steps or a particular foolproof method with which to actualize your goddess-hood. You kind of have to figure it out on your own.
Nah, just kidding.
But I did say that I would address those things and at the very least I want to give my opinion/personal experience:
“Part two is where I tell you some of my secrets on how I do it”
See? I don’t think that sentence is grammatically acceptable and it kind of pained me to copy and paste it. *grimace* ANYWAY, staying true to my word, here are five things that have helped me on my journey of feminine empowerment and divine embodiment:
1. STOP TRYING.
Ha. I’m so funny. But in all honesty, trying to/working hard to embody “the goddess” is a sure fire way to stall your process. The Goddess doesn’t try to do shit that other people are doing. I feel there is a bit of a stereotype or a generic “goddess” model that the popular spiritual mainstream offers women. An image of a curvaceous and serene, makeup-less, flowing-haired woman (add a touch of silver in that hair for good measure) with a gentle smile on her face, in some sort of angelic gown and bare feet. Whatever context in which she is presented we are able to discern that she’s at peace with herself, confident maybe? Sensual perhaps… definitely nurturing and calm. Maybe she has some kind of headband on, circa 1970 that indicates her alternative clothing choices. Alternately, and less frequently, you get the image of the Kali-type goddess. She looks wild, her sexuality is rampant…she will eat your face and your man’s face…then have wild war-sex with his near-corpse. Probably wears a lot of scandalous red colors or is nude. Yep. I like to rock that look sometimes, but what does that really tell us? You can’t really show up to your PTA meeting like that. Not, really.
Yes, these goddess stereotypes are awesome and even great aspirations if you can put your own meaning and desires behind the visuals. And I am also all for relating and communicating with known goddesses and goddess archetypes- I would be lying if I said I have never felt the literal presence of Oshun or Inanna in my life. I enjoy calling in the spirits, deities, and archetypes that I resonate with or who come to me (or I to them) during different periods in my life. It’s a blessing. But as far as striving to achieve their essence, the quintessential, letter-for-letter goddess vibe, I say, forget it. Create your own. Use their guidance to uncover your own unique and distinct divinity. Ask the Goddess to reveal your magic to you. Ask your higher self- the genderless, omniscient you: what are you the goddess of? What are your divine attributes? If you were an altar statue, what would you be holding in your hand? A lotus? A spear? Or a pair of Sennheiser headphones and a Cuisinart? Do you make really good pie and love feeding it to people? Are you physically fit and love to run? Do you have huge boobs that are abundant and beautiful? Maybe you’re an adroit problem solver. Do you make people laugh? Are you wildly practical? Knowing this and honoring it will make you feel confident, truly able to reign over your domain. Own it! It will make this whole goddess thing suddenly more accessible. Build an altar to this goddess you. I’m deadly serious. Don’t try to be all holy and ethereal about it, be REAL. Reality is magical too. What are your superpowers? I don’t know about you but I’m not interested in mimicking, I’m here to trail blaze. This kind of ties in which my number two method of empowerment…
2. Give nary a fuck.
Let me add the caveat that everything you do ought to come from the Heart. And by “nary a fuck”, I mean, “no fucks shall be wasted on those who matter not”. I’m not sure why I’m writing as if this is getting carved onto a stone tablet, but I’m going with it.
Thou shalt not tosseth your fucks before swine!
Coming into my personal female power, and my power as a human, required a lot of letting go of doing what I thought I “should” (by the way, this process is not over. It is never over. You get better and better at it and the wave structure becomes less and less dramatic into infinity, but the process goes on forever until, like, you’re Buddha). Man, what a drag it is worrying about what other people think. I don’t think this is news, of course, but I wouldn’t write it if it didn’t still happen every three seconds on Earth, especially by women. I spoke of being apologetic in my last post- women apologize all the time for everything they do without even knowing it. We apologize when we tell people that we are working so much we can’t talk on the phone- and we aren’t apologizing for the missed phones calls, we’re apologizing by working so hard that it’s impeding our interaction with everything outside it. We apologize by driving ourselves that hard. We apologize by hesitating to say how we feel, to live our Truth. We apologize when we bury a part of our true, genuine selves deep inside out of fear that our loved ones would cast us aside if they really knew, or that they’d think poorly of us (this kind of doesn’t apply if your genuine self is a serial killer). Worse, we think we should bury it because our loved one’s peace of mind is more important than living into the way the Universe expressed us during this lifetime. The truth is we are doing only a disservice to those around and with us by apologizing for and cushioning the blow of Ourselves. We are allowing them to live inside of a lie, we aren’t giving them the option to choose to grow or to not, and we do all that at the expense of our purpose on Earth. Lame. Also, totally pointless.
Listen, I give fucks. I do. They are to say all of my Truth and to know that it IS indeed Truth when I say it. If I don’t know if it’s my Truth, I say it out loud and discuss openly the way that I am feeling without blame, without pretense, without sugarcoating, and with lots and lots of love. I will say, “I’m feeling this. I don’t know why yet. How do you feel?” And that is my truth for that moment and those are the kinds of fucks I give. I will not say: “You’re a total asshole, I hate you, you wrecked my day”, because that’s never the Truth. My most precious fucks are reserved for my life-long friends and family (insofar as I will hear what they have to say with an open heart, but I will not take on their judgments or projections and I will not be upset if they can’t see my side. I’ll love them anyway- they don’t need to agree with my lifestyle) and also for my Beloved. I don’t want to get into the deep fuck giving that you do with a life partner here, but…there are a lot of them to give in that department, while still maintaining your Truth. And if you can’t maintain your Truth in a partnership…wait, how is that a partnership again?
Everyone else? I give a fuck about them in the brotherly love sense. I give a fuck about the world, about the mother earth, about my human brothers and sisters and my plant and animal ones too. I try always to act and speak with love and be kind to those around me. If they think I’m a sinner or a hussy or a hippy or intimidating or have motives or blah, blah, blah- that’s ok. I don’t have attachment to proving anything. It’s rolling right off my shoulders. I know who I am. Their judgments are hurting only them, and that’s their thing, not my thing. This is all about Loving Kindness. Do your thing. Or thang.
I don’t think even Quan Yin gives a fuck what you think-and she’s all hearts and flowers. How do you become free of fucks for the giving?
3. DO YOUR WORK!!!
Dude. Don’t talk about the work. Don’t do a little of the work. Don’t do the easy parts of the work and avoid the hard ones. That’s like filling in all “C”’s on a multiple-choice quiz because you’re bound to get some of them right. I mean, that’s the level of commitment you’re giving with doing only the warm and fuzzy parts of your spiritual work. The goddess archetype is not a lightweight. Not very many goddesses (and especially not The Goddess) would ask simply for you to give people lots of hugs and go to Vipassana once every 3 years. Attending power yoga once a week isn’t your work either. Neither is taking plant medicine from some young, Caucasian shaman, whom you’ve never met, in your apartment in Los Angeles, vomiting for 5 hours, and not processing your experience into physical reality afterwards. Ingesting some entheogens recreationally at a party and running naked through the forest in total bliss…yeah, isn’t going to cut it, either.
I’m talking nitty gritty, deep work- not just chanting OM now and then. I mean facing demons and fears, getting to the bottom of things, opening yourself wide, making your spiritual life your whole life, not just another thing for your ego to identify with. And believe me, your ego will find anything at all to identify with. Your life is spiritual. You want to feel like a goddess? Worship at her feet! Every day! Don’t post about it on Facebook (she says from her wordpress blog). I’m being figurative here with the worshipping at the feet thing, but I’m saying that you must dive into Her, into the Divine, the Great Spirit- to live and breath it, to invite it’s guidance and presence- all the time. All the time. There is no context that is outside of your Spirit. Your work can’t be part time or when it’s convenient. Your job, your relationship, your sex-life, your bank account, your friends, your trip to Whole Foods, your kids, and your spiritual growth- it’s all one thing. All of your spiritual work, the entirety of your deep calling to embody the goddess within yourself is relevant in every situation that you will ever experience. Quit screwing around. Step up to the plate that is your life. Do not expect results or change in any department if you will not prioritize and put your spirit first. Surrender.
Try taking your yoga practice deep if you have one. Make it more than just about calming and fitness. Perhaps explore Ahimsa (the practice of non-harming) and see where that takes you. BE IN NATURE. Listen more. Make it a priority to get to the geographical locations where the plant medicines that are calling you originated. If you cannot, find trusted, well-established, safe communities where you can explore your shadow and the light. Communicate openly with those around you. Lead with the heart. Practicing asking yourself what you are doing to create the life that has manifested around you. Educate yourself. Take responsibility for everything that you do and say. Do not blame. Anyone. Ever. Eat pure, clean foods. WWTGD??
4. Do Art, Grow Plants.
Paint a picture. Sculpt a statue. Grow tomatoes or orchids or something. It doesn’t matter if you suck at drawing or if you sculpt with Fimo. Render images of the world around you, or the world inside you, with your hands. I’m going to go so far as to say that for this particular purpose, the purpose of empowering your feminine and embodying the goddess, that your medium of doing art, in my opinion, ought to be completely analogue. Nothing digital. Use your hands, get old school. Paint, pencil, wood, clay, tool in your hands or hands as the tool. Growing things exercises the muscle that is nurturing. Nurturing is so beautifully feminine (not just female, but feminine). Get back to basics, back to the elements, the origins, and away from electronics, from screens, and things that need to be plugged in. Unplug yourself. Tap in to your creativity. The reason behind this bullet will become evident as you explore the divine artist/nurturer inside you. No excuses!! If you get frustrated at first…Good.
5. Grow your pubic hair wild and free.
JK! I really meant:
Dress like a whore!!
This is my last bullet/number. That’s not to say that there aren’t many more ways to do this that I’ve leaned on but I said I would give you five, and honestly, we all know how much I can expound on a topic (behind the cut there are about 5 billion words). At this point, getting in touch with the goddess within has become less of a practice and more of an “is”, for me. Feminine Divinity, The Goddess, the Mother Earth, all of this is inside us and I am surprised all the time by the way that the feminine embodies…me, itself, that guy over there, and vice versa! Once you get the ball rolling, once you learn to trust yourself more and challenge yourself it becomes a subtle dialogue inside that is mirrored in your world. It’s a beautiful dance. All of the 8 points on my website are all ways that one can call in that rich goddess energy.
But, if I had to choose one thing for this last bullet that I feel is so important to empowering the feminine within it would be:
Appreciate and honor the Divine Masculine.
Yin and Yang, baby. Gotta have that Yang!! Mmm. Yang.
But truly, what better way to clearly see the goddess than to see the god, too? To see what it isn’t, as well as what it is. What complements the Feminine? Raw Chocolate. NO, Masculine, silly! The divinity within the god is the goddess’ mirror. Look there in wonder, in deep honoring that this is also you. Celebrate these harmonious, vital elements!