Currently I am sitting on a futon in Boulder, CO in a 1980’s reproduction of a 1940’s era dress, which is all purple and orange and flowered. My hair is done up on one side. I have coral lipstick on and a quick slather of copper shadow. I’m not wearing panties. No one is at the house but me. I’m languidly sipping a cup of organic brew and thinking…
thinking about blogs.
Last night I was speaking candidly with my Loved One about goals and business ideas, internet personalities and traffic driving, all those things that go along with running your own business and/or originating a lifestyle brand or guidance mechanism. I’m currently streamlining (or streamLIONing as I like to say) my website, professional goals, and personal life. It’s intangible (for the most part) spring cleaning and it feels good. During the conversation (I was nude during said conversation, by the way, as I feel we all should be during serious life-planning), I said wistfully “I wish I could blog every day…*dramatic sigh*”
My Loved One asked, without hesitation, “Why can’t you?”
After some pause I answered with a resounding and decided:
When I first started The Way of the Courtesan last year, I was in a passionate frenzy to put together all the things I’ve learned and can offer. I did not write a business plan, I didn’t have a long term goal. I had an idea and a vision and I pushed it all out of myself and onto the web in a matter of weeks. The response to the site, and the overall message of TWOTC’s 8-pointed star philosophy has been fantastic. The response to me, too, has been great *flosses*. I was nervous to put all my “stuff” out there and even more nervous to put my bio on the web, I’ll admit that. Not so nervous that I would back down from it-pshya!- but I surely had no idea what to expect. Also, there are a LOT of things that fall under The Way’s umbrella; Beauty, Nutrition, Herbalism, Seduction, Deep spiritual searching, Sex, Relationships, Art & Design…for me these are al related, but that can be difficult to convey via the web without proper planning.
“I’m sorry, how do Marine Phytoplankton, red lipstick, kyanite, loving-kindness, and knowing how to look like you crave cock with only your eyes, all relate to each other?”
They do, seriously.
Now that some time has gone by I’ve been able to reflect and see what I like and don’t like about my site and it’s direction. I’ve begun to move things around and re-vision what I’m doing and even planning what needs to be done to get all that, you know, modern SEO shit in there with the google dohickey’s and the techy, nerd things that make your site easily searchable. Yay for me for joining the 21st. I’ve taken a step back and am asking myself- what am I doing here? What do I want to give? What do I want to own about myself, what will I contribute? Should there be visible nipples on my website?
But, back to blogging:
My Loved One went and stumped me with this question of why don’t I just blog every day if I want to? A tsunami of thoughts overwhelmed my sleepy brain and all the nudity underneath it. My blogs have been popular at times, yes. In my early 20’s in New York city I had quite a following on my livejournal (you guys remember the livejournal days? No? I don’t care. It was AWESOME), where I posted incessantly and without inhibition, all the things I felt in my tormented, poet soul (at least that’s how I looked at it). I’ve had year-long photo blogs and collaborated in art projects that all required my living out in the open. I personally find these things interesting in other people and I enjoy reading intimate musings of strangers on the web (when I have time, which is never). I think that’s what art is, too. Intimate musings, whatever your medium.
I have had conversations before about living publicly on the web, about whether it is healthy, good for business, lucrative- you name it. There is, undeniably, something satisfying about putting your thoughts down in font and releasing them into the wild, blue yondernet. I think that in some ways, it’s a marketing tool, also. “Look what I’m willing to share with you! Isn’t that INSANE? Hire me/buy my stuff!”. That leads to other issues then…like, how much is too much, how do you protect yourself, what image do you want to present to the world?
That last one trips me up a bit.
And this is why i’m writing this blog. In the end, I don’t feel right presenting a persona that is in-genuine on the web or my blog. Now, that being said, people assume a lot of things based on what I do put out there- but that’s not my problem. It’s not even A problem. It is what it is, and I’m not inclined to try and change that. Especially when some of those assumptions make me seem way cooler than I am. But, I believe part of the reason I’ve taken a step away from blogging is because since I didn’t want to edit myself into oblivion, I didn’t want to write. In a strange way…I feel like this is an apology. Apologizing for myself. Or at least being in tacit agreement that being yourself is a detriment to your work. Rather, being MYself is a detriment to MY work…when in actuality, it’s quite the opposite.
My experience in life is real. It’s mine, perhaps, but it’s always been hands on. I’ve done a lot of exploring and learning and I intend to do a lot more. I’ve invited you (all three of you, readers) to join me on the journey and to glean useful tidbits where you can or want to. I love to coach. I love to take care. I love to give and share. I love writing hilarious and informative articles about love and sex and perfume. So I’m going to do that. A gal has to have some secrets, of course, and I will always have mine-and what’s more- some things are just not for the internet, but just for us, between ourselves and our lovers and friends, or between us and the Mother Earth. Those private moments are sacred.
BUT I’m not going to shy away from the blog-medium any longer for any other reasons but…like, I’m away at Burning Man or something and I can’t upload. I want to inundate you with ideas, video, tips, tricks, information, dirty jokes, and words of the day. I want to once again relish the daily exercise of writing. I want to, for once, be able to write word “exercise” without fucking it up three times. But, for reals, lets DO this. STREAM LION!!
So, I’m consolidating this blog with the histories of several of my other blogs and moving the whole whacky ship to wordpress. I’ll be focusing mainly on my informational blogs, because I love them so, but…you know, there will be other stuff. Like this photo of me looking smarmy, taken with my hip iPhone, with a hip, retro, iPhone app: